Rob Foglia

This question came to mind this morning, the day after I decided to refresh the website and reignite my blog and podcast. I think there are times when we self-sabotage ourselves. Some might call it a fear of failure; maybe a fear of rejection. And yet, I believe oftentimes this comes from a place of self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence.

The truth is that there is some negativity in our world. Not only things like a negative mindset and negative stories, but over the last 20 to 30 years, there has been a rash of negative humor that has taken over pop culture. Instead of having to be quick-witted to be funny, our culture in America became one built on sarcasm and tearing others down instead of building others up. 

The tearing down of others, unfortunately, has crept into tearing down ourselves. Let’s change that.

Back to the question that led off this blog post, are you as unique as you think you are? Before I got into real estate a dozen or so years ago, I never would’ve thought much about being unique or having a unique value or service to provide. It just wasn’t in my programming or in my environment. While I might’ve heard things like “be yourself,” like most people, I didn’t explore this subject.

But then, at some point along my real estate journey, I heard people talk about having a unique value or unique selling proposition, which is a great thought, by the way. If you really drill deep into how people succeed in all areas of life, such as business, the arts, and anywhere in between, success tends to follow those who blaze their own trail. That trailblazer can also be described as being uniquely themselves.

However, to truly be unique, there’s no compromise. You are 1 in roughly 7 Billion people on this earth. You’ve gotta live your life like that. Not simply replicating something else because you saw it or you like it. Maybe incorporate what you like into your life, and your style, and into who you are. But ultimately, you’ve gotta forge your own path 

I’m seeing this more and more in all aspects of my life over the recent years. I wanna provide a couple of examples, let me start with what’s very close to my heart: music.

I am by no means a commercial success in the music business. To be honest, nor do I care to be. While I’m not against commercial success, that’s not my goal. My goal is centered around creation and expression. I want people to hear my music and say to themselves, “I’ve never heard that before.” I know that the reality is that commercial success rarely follows that in this day and age.

But personal success follows that. If you take John Wooden’s definition of success, which is (paraphrasing) having peace of mind in knowing that you did your best to become your very best, I’ll find success when you look to express originality and creativity. Because that originality and creativity is me doing my best to become my very best. That originality and creativity comes out and being unique.

Taking another aspect of life, such as work. This is where a lot of people’s unique uniqueness fades. We are constantly coached and led to fit into a box. To fit into a mold and be a certain person. Could this be why so many people, companies, and our economy all seem to be hitting a wall?

I’ll give you a personal example. I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy teaching, coaching, and leading other agents. I did it for free for years while at Keller Williams as part of our YP organization, and on the Agent Leadership Council, and now I do it as a managing broker at EXIT. 

But before I joined EXIT, I tried to step in and become a coach at one of the largest real estate coaching companies in the world. I had been working with this coaching company for five or six years as a client of theirs. I was deep into the ecosystem and had amazing references of people who would go to bat for me. But the decision-makers wouldn’t even look at me. Do you know why that is? 

In their words, I didn’t sell enough homes. While I consistently sold 20 to 30 homes every year as a solo agent and bled their company’s culture, in their eyes, I wasn’t a big enough fish to swim in their pond. Because I didn’t check one box, despite checking many others, they were willing to overlook me.

I had a choice when this happened. I could do what many others do when faced with a setback on the road to accomplishing something they’re interested in. I could look at the boxes they wanted me to check so that I fit in their mold. Or, I could look to blaze my own path.

Now, all of this is water under the bridge and in the past, but it told me so much about that company‘s character. Instead of looking for somebody who had “tracked the code“ and had been able to figure out how to obtain balance in a chaotic industry, they didn’t care. That unique characteristic of mine was discarded in favor of production. It was a clear sign to me that I needed to carve my own path instead of trying to follow theirs.

In the time since being rejected, I’ve not only pursued dreams, I’ve conquered demons, I’ve published my book, and I’ve made other professional advancements that have allowed me to further develop my own unique profile and backstory. If I had gone down their path to sell roughly 100 homes a year for multiple years, I wouldn’t have had the energy or bandwidth to go after the things I care about. I’m grateful that I didn’t get that opportunity, because, for all I know, my story could’ve stalled out right there. Especially with corporate budget cuts and the way companies seem to sell out to venture capitalist firms, that could’ve been the end of my story in this business. But instead, I get to make an impact on others, help others grow, and I can grow while I do so.

But all of this makes me digress, and I should get back to that initial question about being unique. You see, I brought up that real estate sales unique value proposition earlier, because all too often, what teachers coach and sell is not actually going to be unique. They bring up things like a guaranteed closing timeline like a guaranteed 60 day sale, a we’ll buy your house program, or some sort of buy more and save promotion like sell and buy with us and we’ll reduce commission. But, the reality is that none of this is unique and many people offer this. These are just tools in a toolbox.

While it’s not bad to have these tools, do these tools make you irreplaceable? Far from it, in my opinion.

Let’s talk about the music industry. Historically, people broke through because they were unique. There was only one Jimi Hendrix. John Coltrane had a sound all to himself. Granted, these examples are all before big business suffocated a lot of the recording industry’s creativity, but still. Even nowadays, you’ll still see truly unique independent artists breakthrough Spotify algorithms and end up on playlists where you can discover truly new and original music. Meanwhile, the copy paste music that’s out there tends to never see the light of day unless they just happen to be the chosen one by some recording industry conglomerate.

I guess what I’m trying to get out of this is simple: I believe that when people get to the end of the line, they all look back on life and have to answer the question of how much they truly lived their life to their unique DNA, their unique coding. If they leaned into who they truly were at the core and went after what lit them up, that’s success! And if they were just playing a part, then that’s failure.

I want to encourage y’all today to do more than just play your part. Play your part as uniquely you as you can. If you’re a musician, don’t just go into that studio session ready to play the same tired, three chords that are in every country song. Bring something new to the table, something you’ve been tinkering with when you’re alone at night. Show the world your unique spark!

If you’re a real estate agent, don’t just fall in line the way big real estate wants you to. Don’t just get a job working for one of those big dot-com companies because they’re offering you some sort of salary and you can stay in business. Forge your own path. Find your unique selling proposition that is more than a tool in a toolbox. Find your own way in a down market. When you are truly being yourself, your clients will notice, they’ll respect you, and they’ll want to work with you.

Go live life the way you truly know that you should. The way that the child inside of you wants you to live it. Go have fun the way that you had fun when you were four years old. Incorporate that fun into everything you do daily. By doing that, maybe you’ll find John Wooden’s definition of success achievable. It may be, you’ll find that you can truly be as unique as you really are in your heart and soul.