Rob Foglia

I had an empowering thought this morning and felt compelled to share: Authenticity is the new flex in this world.

Here’s what I mean. There’s an old saying that comparison is the thief of joy. And the reality is, there are seemingly endless possible ways for us to compare ourselves with others. Aside from obvious daily interpersonal connections, we live in a world full of “social” media.

Now, I put the word social in quotes. This isn’t to slander social media, as I bet everyone, or nearly everyone, reading this blog (or listening to this podcast) found out about it on social media. And yet, unfortunately, these platforms no longer have the social aspect that we were once looking for.

One of the definitions of social, according to the dictionary, is “the interaction of the individual and the group.“Basically, allowing an individual to connect with others and blend in or stand out in some form of fashion. But social media doesn’t have that anymore.

Pick your platform, it really doesn’t matter. They all have these curated pages now where the platform is telling you what you should be intaking. Doesn’t matter how many Facebook friends you have, if you just open up Facebook, your default setting is going to be whatever feed that Meta wants you to see. Instagram is basically just for the ads. You have to hunt for the friends section of TikTok. Even Twitter by default gives you your “for you” feed and not your following feed. This is no longer social, just media.

The lack of a social aspect in this social media is what I am getting at. Because again, comparison is the thief of joy. And while it takes virtually no effort to compare yourself with others, regardless of your circumstances and the others’ circumstances, these comparisons are usually baseless and wildly inaccurate.

Now y’all know me, and you know I love music. I was watching a video the other day where someone was comparing two guitars. It caught my attention because these were thin-line acoustics and I wanted to hear the differences. I listened to the first guitar, and the guitarist played a beautiful melody on nylon strings. Think classical or Spanish guitar for all of my non-guitarist friends out there. Then, to ensure a “fair“ comparison, the guitarist played the exact same melody on the second guitar. However, the second guitar was strung up with steel strings. Think traditional country or rock music-sounding acoustic guitar for this. 

I thought about how strange it would be to compare guitars while using two different string types. The drastic differences in those types of strings dramatically impact the sound. I was curious what other people would have to say, so I checked out the comments on this video, and of course, every comment noted the string difference. Then it dawned on me, this is the perfect parallel for this discussion.

On the surface, some might not notice the string difference between the two guitars and will just compare the sound. And while that’s all well and good, the reality is that to truly compare the sound of those two guitars, you need similarities. You need similar mic placement on the amp, you need the same amp settings, and of course, you need the same strings. And while this person might have just created this video for content instead of substance (more on “content” later), this really got me thinking.

Again, there’s that saying that comparison is the thief of joy. But do you know what else steals joy? Comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides. 

You see, you know what you go through on a regular basis. You know your journey, your backstory, and you know every single hurdle and roadblock that you have had to go over or break through or are continuing to go over and break through. You know nothing about someone else’s. Especially from online media.

When you compare your insides to someone else’s outsides, you’re in essence comparing guitars that have different strings and different amp settings. There’s no substance in that. And we must remember this and keep this with us at all times. This is especially true for those using or consuming some sort of online media.

So then, what does all of this have to do with authenticity? Well, I believe that we lose some of our authenticity when we feel like we need to keep up with others online. I don’t mean keep up with what others are doing or how your friends are. I mean that we feel like we need to measure up to what others are showcasing. Let me give you an example.

A huge part of my professional journey has been growing in the world of real estate. I got into this industry over a decade ago, and it taught me the valuable lifelong skill of sales. And because of where I started and the rooms that I put myself in, I got bit by the education bug. I’ve been on a constant and never-ending journey of growth since.

Being in different rooms has caused me to meet thousands of agents across the country who I otherwise never would’ve met. Through one professional organization that I was heavily involved in, I made many strong connections. And despite not being in that organization any longer, I keep in touch with former members and colleagues online. One particular agent’s post caught my attention recently.

This agent posted, for lack of a better term, a declaration. Basically a mission statement, saying how they had a direction and a vision to make a tremendous impact that was unique. Now you know the title of this blog (and my podcast) is “Be Irreplaceable,” so you can imagine that their energy caught my attention. However, the agents post was super ambiguous. Ambiguous to the point that you would think ChatGPT wrote it. It was polished and attention grabbing, yet, despite the strength of its words, their message was loose and weak.

This is an agent whom I have not only met multiple times at different conferences, but we’ve also been on at least one real estate panel together, speaking at one of these conferences. This isn’t just a random connection; it’s somebody who, if I heard their name, I would know exactly who they are, and I imagine they would do the same for me.

And here’s where things go sideways to me. This agent again, posted their declaration to the world of the impact they are trying to make. Now, as a coach, I was curious. But also just as someone who loves to hear about people making a truly irreplaceable impact, I was very intrigued. So I left a comment with a thought-provoking question trying to find out more. Again, their post was vague. Strong words, but not much direction or deeper meaning explained. So I was genuinely curious and was hopeful to learn more.

I wasn’t expecting an hour-long phone conversation with this agent. I wasn’t even thinking I would get a DM with more info. I figured either this agent would respond to my comment or maybe they would take my comment as a cue to launch their next post and truly explain the type of impact they are trying to make.

However, I just looked, and although it’s been a couple of weeks and this agent has posted on their page some more, there has been no response to my comment, nor a follow-up post further explaining their mission and vision. Honestly, this is disappointing. But it tells the story of what I’m getting at regarding online media.

I think more and more people are like me and starting to see the garbage that is coming out online. Real people, in an effort to grow an online presence or “build a brand,” are trying to emulate what giant companies are doing. But companies are not people. Companies don’t have souls. Companies aren’t experts at person-to-person communication. Companies should not be the template for how we as human beings connect with others online.

Honestly, I think we should abolish the phrase social media. Frankly, it’s all just online media now; there’s no social aspect remaining.

But here’s how we can get the social aspect back. It’s about regaining the true flex that I mentioned at the very beginning of this post. It’s all about authenticity. 

There’s a word out there in the online media world. People call it “content.” People are making content, needing to post content, and trying to get the algorithm to pick up their content. I am so sick of content. I don’t care about other people‘s content.

I care about other people, though. People are authentic, content is not.

I believe we all need to reclaim the authentic parts of our lives. To do this, we should share it. Share what you’re going through. Share the struggles, the hardships, the fun, the progress, the joy. Share the mission, share the vision. Share the impact you want to make.

But don’t share it for content. Stop concerning yourself with how many followers you have or how many people liked that post. Who cares? 

Instead, start concerning yourself with how authentic that post actually is. Is that truly you? Is that the you that your family sees? Would your lifelong best friend recognize that that is truly you? Or would they think you’re just playing a part?

Now I’m not perfect on this, and yet when I wrote Real Estate Reset and was really forced to put thought into my personal mission, the word authenticity kept creeping up. It’s been two years since I started writing my book, and authenticity is still paramount for me. I hope it continues to be for the rest of my life, and that others will not only see it, but they’ll recognize it and make it a part of their lives.

The last thing I want for my daughter is for her to grow up in a world where she thinks she has to measure up to somebody because of how they look or behave online. I don’t want her to feel like she has to measure up to a content creator. I want her to look at that content creator and get joy out of it the same way that we got joy out of a TV show years ago. But then move on the same way we would move on from a TV show.

I want her to know that content online is as fake as the sitcom or movie we watch. It might feel real as there’s a real person there, but you don’t see their insides. You only get to know their outsides. And only knowing the outsides leads to that joy-stealing thief of comparison we’ve already talked about.

I think we can all make a difference and can help right this ship in our world if we consciously strive to be ourselves. So let me challenge you to be you. Be authentically you. Help my daughter grow up in a world that not only allows her to be but also encourages her to be her true self. I think when we all aim to go down this path together, it’ll be a stronger path than we’ve ever experienced online.

If we make authenticity the new flex, it’ll bring contentment and happiness.

And I think that authenticity is the path to truly being irreplaceable.